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-Episode 1: Ghetto Mall,RiceCars,and Fake Bitches
Yo, MrWhitefolks here. Well...since I've been workin 7days a week and whatnot, there hasn't been alot of game shit goin up. My bad. But, on the other side of the wall, I've had a buttload of crazy experiences in the last month or so. Lesse here....
1)I run the security at "The Ghetto Mall". What happens? Nothin much actually. It's just a giant ass "out of the way" tourist trap filled with lots of crazy shops and really wacky shit. Wacky shit you ask? Hmmmm....*ponders*....how do I fully explain all that has gone on? So far I've helped a tennant move out of his store(and kicked out one of the new owners in the process). I saw a war spark up between the hair salon owner(note: he's the coolest gay person ever) and the mexican janitors(I've never laughed so hard until I heard a gay guy call some mexican people "tacos and tostidos"). I kicked out a transvestite homeless indian for shoplifting(and then retrieved the item, which "it" tried to flush down the toilet).
A restaurant owners son was lucky he left to go back home(down south somewhere) as the owner of the custom shirt shop found out that the kid harassed his two daughters(asking 13yr olds what color their panties are is NOT cool). One guys children run around and cause a ruckus everywhere(yeah, let's choke each other and punch the gumball machine! good job raising them while your at work pops). People in the food court area treat you like ass if you don't eat there every single day(there's a fat NASTY white bitch that works at some noodle hut that gives you this "evil fat bug eye" if you eat anywhere else, but sucks on your balls the minute you order an eggroll).
Hmmm, what else? Oh yeah! FUCK SKATEBOARDERS. Now, before all of you bleached tip haired whiteboys get your Tony Hawk boxers in a twitch: When I say fuck skateboarders, I don't mean the nice respectable ones that are just out for a good time. I'm talkin bout the ones that tell me I'm oppressing their God given freedom to "board" on my property, putting themselves and all of the merchants here at risk to a lawsuit. If these kid's parents woulda slapped 'em around instead of spoiling them rotten as youngins, we wouldn't have half the problems we do now. *drops a Macho Man sized elbow on the babyboomers of america*
If they'd only come back after I'm gone(like I tell them), then there wouldn't be a problem. But nooooooooooooo...they gotta give me the finger, call me a pig, and whip out a video camera that they're probably gonna send to MTV(oh yeah! the camera,their car, and their gear is all purchased by their mommies!). God damn wussy little shits. GO GET A FUCKING JOB.
Oh, fuck Activision for making such a kickass Tony Hawk game(I blame that for the majority of trendy looking yuppie kids riding around on skateboards now. Hell, if it's on psx, then it's the shit irl right? Let's go skate! YEAH!). It's been keeping me up all night long for the last few days.
Oh yeah, the owner is a drunk, who let's his wife(who runs 2 stores) have ALL the security cameras pointed in her store. Leaving 4 stores unattended with surveilance and me VERY pissed off as "The Drunken Wizard" won't do 2 shits to fix it. He just leaves "the woman that lives under the building in a secret appartment that is TOTALLY FUCKING ILLEGAL" in charge of everything. Now, that wouldn't be bad if she wasn't MORE of a drunk than the owner is! Well, at least I get paid on time....wait a minute, they fucked that up too! WTG Ghetto Mall!
One dope ass thing about my job that I can't complain about is the antique area. EVERYBODY down there is cool as shit. There's antiques, nautical shit, northwest shit, and even a fabric shop ran by the coolest 50-70(I got NO clue how old she is) lady ever! She's always happy and just kicks total ass. The nautical/nw shop guys/gals rock the house too. Always fuckin around with me, talkin shit and goofin off. The hair salon is down there too...AWESOME bunch of people in that little spot. Everybody down there is just totally fuckin pimp to the extreme(there's even this one laid back chick that owns an antique shop. reminds me of the hottie stoner chicks that I used to know in high school). We all go smoke together and rapitate bout whatever's happenin' in the building n stuff when I'm on break.
2) To get away from work(even though it's 4 hours a day, 7days a week gets monotonous as fuck), I usually head out somewhere directly after my job. This ranges from movie theatres,computer hangouts,strip clubs,restaurants,homie's houses for dvd kung fu flicks, dance game places, etc. I've ran into some of my homies once or twice, but that's about it. Most of the time it's me, and myself, enjoying "me time". Well, trying to anyhow. Here's a little piece of info for all you aspiring "me time" people.
NEVER TRY TO SEE A CAR MOVIE ON THE FIRST DAY. Why? Besides the fact that it's going to be sold out no matter what you do, the parking lot was entirely filled up with nothing but RICECARS! Over 100 Integras,Civics, fake cars with fins and spoilers, bloated mufflers, blue headlights, banging speakers(playing weak ass 2yr old homo techno pop shit),etc. It's like everybody that wanted to go went in their own tricked out $10,000 car that Mommy bought for them(once again, elbow drop to the baby boomers)! And let's not forget how many countless bleached tips I saw! White boys, AzN FOBs, military, all sportin some golden tips 'o' love and some FAKE ass "I look like a fucking belt" tans. And then there's the bitches. Thousands(what seemed like)of hoes with fake "oh my god britanny! that new "bacon" color is so IN" tans and blonde hair with that "brunette" streak in it(or brunette hair with blonde streaks).So many that my eyes started to bleed. Hot AzN chicks you ask? Oh hell yeah, there were ASSLOADS. One BIG problem though: All of 'em had Hello Kitty backpacks and tight ass jeans that someone could sell an 8yr old at the Bon. Fake ass smiles, fake ass laughs, fake ass nails, fake ass tans, fake ass clothes, fake ass hair, only thing that wasn't entirely fake was the ass(which was flat like the back-end of my beater ass car),titties(which were either flat, or paid for by mom and dad), and poontang. BUT, being "non fagmo trendy"...there's a 1/100,000,000 chance of me seeing any of that at this place(and if I did, the chick would probably be either underage or would have some warts).
Life lesson? Trendy white people with money suck ass worse than Hollowman and WaterWorld combined. I'd rather kick it with anime otaku dorks that don't bathe and think that "Cham Cham" from Samurai Shodown is real.
MrWhitefolks |
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