Good 'ol Uncle Alton


If MrWhitefolks is the "White Devil", what does that make me?

So, I've finally decided to share one of my many, many.... MANY experiences with one of moronic, numskulled, simple-minded, idiotic "customers" that grace my store each and every day of my pitiful existence. If stupid was a superpower, then some of these people would be like the fucking Justice League of Tacoma.

Uh, where was I? Oh yes, this African-American, Uncle Tom, Shaka Zulu, Ham Sammich mother fucker comes into my life one night. We shall call him Alton, since thats his name and well I don't give two shits about staining this ass hair clinging piece of shits' "good" name. Um, right so its the end of a typical work day, in fact, not much happened that day and I would say I was in a fair mood considering my current station in life. 9:00 PM rolls around and I shut of the neon "OPEN" sign, shut down the registers, tell the local homeless indigenous pukes to get the fuck off my computers and get the fuck out, go to the back to hit the lights, and grab the gate for the front door. As I'm walking to the front door with the gate, good ole Uncle Alton comes strolling thru. The insanity ensues. Please keep in mind this man is foreign, I dunno where the fuck he's from, but my best guess is he's got some kinda African accent.

Jaded Disgruntled Postal errr... Video Game Store worker (we shall shorten that to Gook from now on) says: What's up man?
Coming to America (we shall call him Uncle A. from this point on) says: Do you buy things like DVD for cash?
Gook: Well yes we do, but I'm not doing anymore cash tonight cuz we're closed.
Uncle A: Ok, well I asked you a question!
Gook: ...Annnnd I answered your question...
Uncle A: What time do you close?
Gook: 9 o'clock, we're closed now.
Uncle A: You're closed now? It isn't 9 o'clock, my cell phone says its 8:57 and you don't close for 3 more minutes.
Gook: (With a quizzical, You've got to be fucking kidding me! look upon his face) Um all my clocks say 9 and we're closed, sorry.
Uncle A: Well the door is still open!
Gook: Um... YEA, all these people have to LEAVE, so I can't lock them in.
Uncle A: Well the door is still open, if you are closed you should put a sign on the door.
Gook: Huh? Why do I need to put a sign on the door? The lights are off, the sign is off, people are leaving, we're closed...
Uncle A: Well you should put a sign on the door so people are not confused and know that you are closed.
Gook: Dude, 7 years we've been open and I haven't needed a sign, why would I need one now?
Uncle A: Don't call me Dude! I am not a DUDE!
Gook: (once again the You've got to be fucking kidding me! look makes its way upon the angular handsome face of the Gook). Whatever... SORRY.
Uncle A: Is there a manager here?
Gook: (a great smile graces the handsome face of the Gook, for he knows what is coming next, and he revels in the pleasure these such instances give him). A manager? That would be ME!
Uncle A: You are the manager?
Gook: YES
Uncle A: Are you also (get a load of this) "the Agent?"
Gook: (it is hard for the Gook to contain all the great laughter swelling inside him) THE WHAT?
Uncle A: The Agent? You understand what I'm trying to say? (obviously the Gook does not...) The Agent, the one who handles lawsuits, you know, the one who's name is on the license.
Gook: (LOL) You mean the Owner? NO, I am not the owner.
Uncle A: Is he here?
Gook: No he isn't.
Uncle A: Can I have the address and phone number to reach him?
Gook: (Johnny Mac, the Owner hasn't gotten us new cards yet, so the Gook rips a piece of paper off a roll and sticks a rental sticker with the address and number on it) Here you go.
Uncle A, then walks out so that I may actually finish doing my fucking job an shut the fucking store down. Moments later the phone rings. The Gook is no fool, and he knows who is trying to call. While normally he does not answer the phone after 9 PM (because he doesn't get paid to stay after 9 PM or work after 9 PM he doesn't answer the fucking PHONE AFTER 9 PM!) In this case, he makes an acception.
Gook: (answering the phone) Hello?
Uncle A: Can I speak to the owner?
Gook: He's not here and we're closed!
Uncle A: I asked you for a number I can reach him at!
Gook: And I gave you a number you can reach him at!
Uncle A: When will he be in tomorrow?
Gook: I don't know man, he comes in whenever he wants.
Uncle A: ok bye *click*

Meanwhile, MrWhitefolks is playing a game and spectating this whole shitbag of a situation. So, he informs me he thinks this is the same dumbass who called him the "White Devil" because MWF wanted to see his ID and wanted his whole first name on a rental application (seeing as how Uncle A, would only give his first initial as a first name).

The moral of the story:
I have problems with many customers. I find stupid, ignorant people of all COLOR and RACE to quite simply irritate the fuck out of me and sap my will to live from me for every second they are within 5 feet of me. Most of the idiots don't like me either, a great many of them are black people. I have a theory, it is because I myself am not a member of the black community, therefore, when they step foot in my store (or any store for that matter) their logic reverts to 1950s segregation days. I am the man trying to rip them off, or hold them down. (Even tho I'm asian...) So, because of this attitude, they give me shit and dont' like my attitude when I do not take their shit and smile and say of course you are absolutely right! I should give you a discount and not make any money on this game because you come into my store once a month look at 50 sports games and buy 1 item for 10 dollars. I don't seem to have this problem at any other junctions with the human race outside of my workplace. Even when I go out to the clubs.

After all this was said and done, I looked to my compatriots, MWF, Man_In_the_Black_Pajamas, and 8-Ball and said to them.
"I have just one thing to say after all this."

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I then went home and proceeded to call my girlfriend and tell her about it. She laughed for she has a wonderful sense of humor. Did I mention she's black?

[tB]FuckAss
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