 |
|
|
|
Chubby Cherub
Ok, next game up on our list of "shit you should never play and here's why" is...?
*drum roll*
Chubby Cherub! Ever wanted to know what it was like to be 2ft tall, bare ass naked, with a gericurl(keep in mind, your white), and have to eat everything while fighting off dogs that bite you in the chode? Well...you'd be better off trying it out in real life than playing this heaping pile of an 8-bit game disaster. Ok, now I know that it's an "arcade" style of game(where you go for points), but flying around eating airborne candy and nutsack-kabobs? Come(the fuck)on now, this shit is getting even a tad to crazy for me(and I'm the guy that's played Shaq-Fu the most out of everybody here). I mean hell; I'm down to play point based arcade games as much as the next guy, but where in the book of gamer did it specifically say I had to deal with garbage of this magnitude? Granted, I'm playing these wastes of progamming code for you, the reader, but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan....this game is corn.
The enemies(if you even call 'em that) are dogs. Yes, dogs. Not the insane foaming at the mouth style of dogs that SHOULD be the bad guy, but cute lookin beagles and the classic bulldog from every animated cartoon ever made. How do they stop you from eating all the fruit and goodies in a number of areas including "run down part of town", "fields", and "nice part of town"? Well, they have 2 different attack styles(that I've seen in the last 30minutes of torture):
1)They jump up and bite you in the sack. Yep. You're flyin along, eatin berries,apple IIe computers(yeah..crazy shit ain't it?), lolipops, gummy candy, etc. Havin a good time right? The wind is in your bright yellow gericurl, your wings are flappin, and then it happens. YOINK! Now you've got a pair of dog teeth around your balls. Off you go to restart the stage(or in some cases, restart in a midway point that isn't determined).
or.......
2)They bark at you. Yes, as it goes with the "Laws of Nintendo Logic", any enemy that can't lash out at you with either...
A)a weapon
B)their appendages
or
C)a spell
...is usually reverted to attacking you with a scream(as in this case). But, the dogs seem to have reading/spelling problems. Not until way later in the game do you actually get to see "bow wow" or "bark" fly at you. Nope. You gotta EARN that. What you see for most likely the entire time you will play it(i.e..30 seconds) will be a "B" or a "Bo" and a "w" flying closely behind it. Isn't that just one of the great reasons the programmers thought you'd keep playin? Sure seems like it to me! (note: EXTREME sarcasm)
Well, I think I'm gonna rap this one up a little bit early due to the fact that I intend on doing up a "superfly hotty of the month" article on some videogame ho out there. Final words of wisdom from MrWhitefolks: If you find this game, pick it up. Play it a.s.a.p, then fling it out into oncoming traffic and notice how much more fun you are having with it now, than you did when you were playing it(and at the same time, demoralizing your n.e.s.).
P.S...beware of the bonus stage! beeeewwwaaaaarrrreeeee.
-Word to yo Mother-
MrWhitefolks
    
|
All content, designs, graphics © 2001-2003 Pimp-Productions.com
Founded and created by Edward Veira, Austin Castillo, and Jacob Childs
|