|
D.E.B.S
It's not often that I review movies on our page as I have a tendancy to punish myself by watching such timeless "classics" as the Roger Corman Fantastic Four movie(unreleased), Uwe Boll's video game opus Alone in the Dark, or just about any of the Sci Fi Original movies on the afformentioned Sci Fi Channel...
...and maybe that's why I'm so god damn bitter.
Well, this review comes off a joke rental where myself and Leeroy were looking to satisfy our hunger for shitty movies and we ran across Sony's newly released "schoolgirls vs terrorists + lesbian overtones epic" called D.E.B.S. Seriously, we picked this over a new Steven Segal flick AND a reunion piece with such classic action stars as Lorenzo "Mind if I take a dump in here?" Lamas, Cynthia Rothrock, and everybody's favorite Don "The Dragon" Wilson that was about a kid that gets trapped in a virtual reality video game. So out of the three, I honestly think we picked the best one.
Now I want you to take a good look at the following list of information regarding this film I'm about to review:
Yes, it stars that mongoloid known as Devin Aoki.
No, we weren't amused by it's "high octane" action.
Yes, it was written by a militant lesbian to be an action film.
No, we cannot take it seriously.
Yes, the fight scenes are worse than those found in Charmed.
No, there isn't any on screen "bewbies".
Yes, it's absolutley fucking hillarious.
Ok...down to buisness. This is the story surrounding the D.E.B.S, a secret national organization filled to the brim with bustling young hotties that have been accepted into "teen girl squad spy school" via a hidden test located in the SATs. Imagine Charlie's Angels with less drama, Michael Clark Duncan, and a house that is surrounded by a plaid colored force-field and you MIGHT have a glimmering hope to understand what I'm about to tell you.
See, this movie is an enigma. One cannot truly grasp the concept until they witness it for themselves(which is why I've supplied movie clips throughout this review in quicktime format). Even then, the entire opinion the viewer has on the movie is based whether or not they came in with loooooowwww expectations. For us, we came in with expectations that this would be slightly better than Alone in the Dark, but not as completely garbage camp as Corman's Fantastic Four. After the movie was over and I've had time to gather my thoughts I can honestly say that it accomplished what it was going for. A candy colored tongue in cheek lesbian spy comedy.
As you've probably gathered by reading this site(or watching my videos), I have a TRULY fucked up sense of humor. If it's completely random and out of the blue, it'll probably make me shit myself laughing. This movie brought random to a whole new meaning. Between a 110lb black chick doing the "model walk" while reloading a .50 calibur magnum(w/scope) with one hand, Devin Aoki speaking in a French accent, an entire cast of "spies" that never shoot ANYONE(even at point blank range), booby trapped bank vaults(complete with spike ceiling), and the single most comedic reaction to being judo thrown in the history of film; this movie had me laughing my ass off(most likely for reasons NOT intended by the writer/director).
Be that as it may, it was still entertaining and that says alot. If you consider the source material, this could have been a total fucking trainwreck. The film really came together for me via the banter between the "bad guys" of the film. Jimmi Simpson and Jordana Brewster should be given fucking medals for carrying this entire film on their shoulders.. Between arguing over why blowing up Australia is retarded, or discussing what's wrong with falling in love with the enemy's "poster child", these two took some of the hammiest lines this side of Star Wars and made that shit work. Facial mannerisms, comedic timing, and the ability to show the viewer EXACTLY how they feel without having to say a god damn word is usually tools of the Oscar winners, but these two pulled it off effortlessly.
Think about what this movie is before you rent it. This isn't Kung Fu Hustle, nor does it pretend to be...and it sure as hell isn't some epic drama that shows the viewer the duality of life. It's schoolgirls + terrorists + gadgets + inept gunfights + mongoloid + comedy gold + plaid force fields + lesbian make out scenes. Take it at face value and nothing more(just like you do with Charlie's Angels and those other "girl action" shows on tv).
Give this flick a shot, but don't buy it at retail price. Pick this up used, borrow it from a friend, or wait till it gets marked down to like $10.00 and you'll have yourself an enjoyable non offensive spy parody.
ENDORSEMENT APPROVED
MrWhitefolks
|
All content, designs, graphics © 2001-2003 Pimp-Productions.com
Founded and created by Edward Veira, Austin Castillo, and Jacob Childs
|
