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Kart Fighter
Ok, second time around...
I went out and found a Hong Kong hacked game called "Kart Fighter". Yeah...your thinkin right. It features the Mario Kart characters in a shitty fighting game. VERY shitty. We got Mari(that's supposed to be Mario), Luigi(yeah...he's green),Koopa(what you know as Bowser),Kinopio(Toad),Peach,Donkey(DK Jr),Yossy(Yoshi) and NokoNoko(a fuckin KoopaTroopa). Well, how does it play? Hmmm...I'm gonna have to say this: Take every fighting game you've ever loved to play, make it 8bit, discolor the characters horribly, take away any precision of control it might have had, give it a wig, and some eyebrows like that "Juicman" guy and your set to goto town with Kart Fighter! I can only hope that shit like this never hits the office of a un-named otaku-dork magazine or it'd be the cover article and hyped for a good month in some sort of "old school" section.
Oh, here's a good thing(well, if you can't count anything in this game "good"). They have "aiight" music to beat the crap out of each other by. Almost all of the stages have some kind of nes remix to it goin on and it ain't half bad. Only one that sounded like ass was Yossy's(Yoshi's). It was just lucky go happy bleeps and bloops combined with a modified screenshot of Little Nemo The Dream Master's 1st stage used as a background! Oh man...when I saw that I literally paused the game to soak in how much of a waste of the crust off of my nutsack this truley, truley was. Other stages involve: trees, sand dunes and those pokey guys, clouds that *gasp* you can FIGHT(let alone stand)on, bridge over the lava pit(no you can't knock 'em in), and what seems to be some kind of remake of the throne room in SMB3 where you returned the staffs to the kings.
Some of the character designs aren't half bad though : Toad is sportin the chinese gung-fu silk shirt(and it's open), with some pimp ass baggy pants(well...as pimp for an 8bit game as you can get). But some of them are just fuckin horrible: Peach is straight out of the republic 'o' rice eaters...with a "Chun-Li" outfit that is so SF2 you'll laugh your ass off. BUT, there is one thing(among countless others) very, VERY wrong. *Bowser is shorter than the KoopaTroopa* He's like a fuckin midget(check the screen shots to varify)! I'm sorry, if a god damn plumber(an italian one at that, they're short by default) is ever a good 2 feet taller than a KING OF SUPER HUGE TURTLES/DINOSAURS....then he just loses his whole "ooooooo" factor.
All in all, I spent a good 30 minutes playin this JUST so I can say I've played it all the way thru for you guys....and well, now the only thing that can redeem the time I've lost is a good smoke.
-Word to yo Mother-
MrWhitefolks
    
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